I’m at this place in my life yet again. I don’t know how I got here. It just doesn’t seem possible but it’s a fact. I have a teen driver in my home. It’s hard to believe that just three short years ago our son was learning to drive for the first time. Now, as my daughter is a Sophomore in high school, it’s her turn. There are so many mixed emotions when a teen driver takes to the road for the first time. All I can ask is to please be kind to my teen as she takes the wheel.
Then and Now
I handled my son’s driving experience pretty well. But he was much more laid back about becoming a new driver. So much so that he wasn’t eager to get behind the wheel at all. In fact, he actually delayed getting his driver’s permit and license for a short time. This made me one happy mom.
However, this isn’t the case with my daughter. Instead, it’s just the opposite. She’s ready to drive NOW. So, once she turned 16, we took her to get her driver’s permit. And, (GULP!) – she’s now ready to get behind the wheel.
A Mom’s Perspective
The truth is she might be ready but I’m not. I don’t want to squash her enthusiasm but riding with a 16-year-old new driver behind the wheel is nerve-wracking. The thought of her venturing out on the winding, narrow, country-like roads near our home makes my stomach turn. Sure, I’ll be in the passenger seat by her side guiding her along the way. But, what I’m most concerned about is how other drivers will treat her as she takes to the road for the first time.
So, I’m begging the ‘seasoned’ drivers out there to please be kind to my teen as she takes the wheel. PLEASE…
Don’t tailgate – It’s difficult to go out on the road for the first time, so please don’t tailgate. She doesn’t need the extra pressure of another car so close behind her. So, please be kind and give her some space. Remember, since she’s new to driving, going at a slower speed of 35 miles per hour can feel nerve-wracking at first.
Stay Alert – I’m sure you can see the big ‘New Driver’ sticker on our back bumper. This is as much for her as it is for you. Give her time to adjust to the car she’s driving, to get a feel for how it runs, and to get comfortable with other cars on the road. For this reason, it’s beneficial for you to stay back and not hover over her as she’s learning to identify and obey the traffic laws.
Be Patient – As a new driver, please show her some grace and be kind. No gestures please! She’s just a kid after all. Remember, this could be your teen son or daughter behind the wheel too. Beeping the horn for her to go doesn’t help. In fact, it makes it worse. She’s probably following the rules her Driver’s Ed teacher taught her about how many seconds to stop at a stop sign or how long to wait before going after the light turns green. A honking horn only causes fear and anxiety, so please be calm and patient.
Our Responsibility as Parents
Ok, I know other drivers must do their part, but, as parents of new drivers, we have some responsibilities too.
Keep Your Cool – Patience is key. They are nervous about getting behind the wheel and so are we. So, as hard as it is, we need to keep our cool.
Offer Encouragement Not Just Criticism – Of course we need to correct them if they are doing something that is unsafe. But, let’s remember to offer words of praise and encouragement also. It makes all the difference when we balance what they did well with what needs improvement.
Be A Good Role Model – If we want our teen drivers to stay off their cell phones and not text when driving, then we need to model these traits as well. So, as parents, let’s refrain from talking on our cell phones, scrolling through our Facebook feed, or texting when we are in the passenger’s seat and our teen is behind the wheel. In addition, let’s wear our seat belts whenever we’re in the car. Remember that good behavior is caught more than it is taught.
Teach Them About Responsibility – It’s a huge responsibility when teens take the wheel. Their life and the lives of other drivers are in their hands. It’s a responsibility they shouldn’t take lightly. And, it’s our responsibility as parents to talk to them about what a privilege it is to drive in the first place. Secondly, we need to remind them that their safety and the safety of other drivers is at stake once they get behind the wheel.
Celebrate This Milestone – Learning to drive is a huge milestone in a teen’s life. So let’s celebrate this milestone with them. Sure, we may be white-knuckling it while in the car, but let’s offer words of praise for them as they become responsible young adults.
Kindness is Key
So, the next time you see that big bumper sticker that reads ‘NEW DRIVER’ like the one on my daughter’s car, please be kind to the teen behind the wheel. We’ve all been in their shoes before. Instead of reacting with frustration, let’s show kindness and patience –something we should do everyday to all drivers on the road.
Safe travels!
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. – Galatians 5:22 (ESV)
What was your experience driving with your teen for the first time? Any advice you’d like to share? Please leave your comments below.
I struggled with teaching my kids to drive and fortunately my husband was much more laid back about it and took the lead in teaching them.
I will share with you a prayer that my grandmother had on her dashboard when I was growing up. I said it on the day my kid’s went out on their own…and should start saying it every time I get behind the wheel too.
Grant me, O Lord, a steady hand and watchful eye, that no one shall be hurt as I pass by.
There is more to it the prayer, but this is the part I have memorized 😊
What a beautiful prayer, Mary! Thanks so much for sharing it.
When my children were ready to learn to drive, I was not comfortable putting them out there in traffic, therefore, my husband was their coach. He took all 3 of them out. He was calm and patient and loved being with them one on one. He was excited to teach them all that he knew . Let us remember when we are driving and see a young student driving to be cautious and give them space.
Of course, we always keep them in our prayers while on the road.
Excellent advice! Thank you for sharing.