This summer, I learned one of the hardest lessons in life so far – letting go as my first born goes off to college.
In fact, we’re officially half way through his six-week summer college stint. But for me, it seems like an eternity.
I’ve gotten used to my new ‘normal’ – waking up without him in the morning, the empty spot at the dinner table each night, and adapting to being a family of three instead of four as we go about our daily activities.
But, my biggest challenge by far is letting go.
Why is Letting go so Hard?
I miss hearing my son’s voice every day. I long to receive a text from him letting me know he’s ok or how his college experience is going so far.
Many times, I’ve reached out to him only to get no response.
“Why hasn’t he gotten back to me?” I often wonder. “Doesn’t he care?”
I began to take his lack of communication personally. But, in talking to other moms who have sent their sons off to college, this seems to be the norm. Nonetheless, it’s still so very hard to just let go.
As my husband constantly reminds me, he’s just finding his way. Give him some space. Great advice, I know, but so hard to follow.
But, I’m trying. I’m really trying.
For example, last week I decided to take my husband’s advice and give him all the space he needed. No phone calls. No texts. NO PRESSURE! I’d like to say this was easy, but it wasn’t. Just about every time my phone rang or beeped, I thought it was him. Unfortunately, I was wrong.
Then, at the end of a very long week, as I was getting ready for bed, my phone rang, and it was a FaceTime call from my son! I quickly accepted his call, and we talked, laughed, and just enjoyed our time with him as a family. It felt like he was right there with us.
What It Means for Me to Let Go
I’m finding that I’m learning a lot about what it means to let go …
- For example, letting go is a process. It’s an adjustment. And, it takes time, so I’m working on being patient and gentle with myself as I adjust to this new way of life.
- Giving the other person space is the key component of letting go. It’s about providing a little breathing room so the person can be independent and learn to stand on their own two feet. I call this ‘detachment,’ and it’s not only healthy, it’s also normal.
- Gratitude is a byproduct of letting go. I’ve learned to appreciate my son even more now that I’m not with him every day. And, I know it’s the same for him.
- Trust is key in letting go. I’m learning to trust the values we’ve instilled in my son and to trust the way we’ve parented him. But, most importantly, to trust in God because he is the one in control.
So, if you are like me, and you are sending your first born off to college, know that you are not alone. God knows what you are going through and he cares. Pray and tell him what’s on your heart. Ask God to help you to let go of your worries and trust that God has your child, just like he always has, in the palm of his hand.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. – Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
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